Nothing, and I mean nothing, sums up the last 8 months of coming to the harsh reality that I am replaceable, undeserving of respect, menial and serve as nothing more for my kids, their lives, and their upbringing but a monthly check and free babysitter as evident in the reasons below. I also wanted to preface that my ex-wife, daughters mom, is good and decent enough she kept the weekend open, which means a lot. This isn't about her.
This is not how I wanted to kick this whole thing off, and in fact, the issues pertaining to what I'm discussing here caused a delay in opening HTR. I will be uploading the rest of the normal content, chat, and message boards here in the next 24 hours. Stick with me, discuss your thoughts, let me learn from you.
It's my birthday weekend this week and as luck would have it, it is my court ordered custody time. However, despite it being my COURT ORDERED weekend, and MY BIRTHDAY, it is STOLEN BY 1/3 because they want to go to the Renaissance festival.
So, my court ordered custody goes out the window. My birthday with my kids doesn't even warrant a second thought and I am yet again relegated to being absolutely of no worth or respect. I'm not a father to them. I'm a guy who's had 16 long, arduously broken years of these same incidents.... I legally get 4 DAYS A MONTH with my kid. Leaving 26 (+/-) days to do everything they want to do and yet my weekends are systematically, and uncaringly, stolen from me over and over again. .
I HATE HOLIDAYS NOW, because after 16 years of holidays, despite court orders to alternate them, I am still left without my kid's and alone.(*) I am nothing. I mean nothing.
On top of this hell, I have faced contempt of court and jail causing hellacious stress hundreds of times over 16 years. 11 years ago it was sort of warranted as I fell behind in support of almost 600 a month for one kid, but over time that was fixed and as of 3 years ago I have not been behind again, and yet the schemes, lies, etc from my ex persisted and to the point my caseworker asked me to beg her to stop calling every week, and I was still faced with jail, having my license suspended, and any semblance of normality and forward momentum in my personal life taken from me. And if that wasn't enough for one person with it's own special type of HELL as the consistent blows kept pouring in negating ANY pride as a man, as a FATHER, what came next sealed my fate.
I begged the court (37 times by factual record) to hold her accountable to those same laws I'd lost my life too and hold her accountable for the thousands of broken court orders over 5, then 10, then 15 years and make her face contempt of court, they laughed at me.
Even when I brought to my caseworker, then the district attorney and ultimately the judge, concrete evidence of her filing fraudulent claims totalling to thousands upon thousands of dollars of which she demanded I pay her for, along with many other things, they ALL LAUGHED ME OUT OF SIGHT. One of the judges clerk's told me the only way I'll ever get any justice would be to sue the Colorado State Government and have Family Services and all Family law changed.....
Now, as I get to this point, this proverbial precipice, and see my sacrifices, pain, hurt, fear and listening to everyone PROMISE ME that if I "keep moving forward. Keep turning the other cheek and not slander Lindsay to Aydan the hundreds of times she was slandering me to him for his benefit," and that it "WOULD BE REWARDED AND MY DREAMS OF BEING A REAL DAD AND HAVE A REAL LIFE WILL BE FULFILLED," have actually not only been FALSE but I am in a much worse place in it all than before.......I cannot take anything more.... I want away from this whole ugly hell hole mess......
The point is, I am struggling. Bad...